The Pursuit of God

Some crazy good quotes from my favorite chapter of The Pursuit of God...

The chapter is entitled Removing the Veil

Self is the opaque veil that hides the face of God from us. It can be removed only in spiritual experience, never by mere instruction. We may as well try to instruct leprosy out of our system. There must be a work of God in destruction before we are free. We must invite the cross to do its deadly work within us. we must bring our self-sins to the cross for judgment. We must prepare ourselves for an ordeal of suffering in some measure like that through which our Savior passed when He suffered under Pontius Pilate.

God must do everything for us. Our part is to yield and to trust. We must confess, forsake, repudiate the self-life and then reckon it crucified.

Insist that the work be done in very truth and it will be done. The cross is rough and it is deadly, but it is effective. It does not keep its victim hanging there forever. There comes a moment when the work is finished and the suffering victim dies. After that is resurrection glory and power, and the pain is forgotten for joy that the veil is taken away and we have entered in actual spiritual experience the presence of the living God.

- A.W. Tozer

Man! He encourages me so much and I would love to spend the next few hours processing my thoughts on all this (yes, it would take me that long...I'm a very slow writer ;) but alas, these dishes are not going to do themselves.

Enjoy this beautiful day!

Clearing My Blogger Brain

So much has been going on and I keep taking pictures with the intention of blogging and sharing all the details and my crazy thoughts and whatnot, but, it just hasn't happened. BUT!...the subjects are still hovering over the blogging section of my brain...so I just have to get it out. I'm afraid we will just have to settle for bullet points.

- Christ Community started Sunday evening worship gatherings three weeks ago. Here's where we meet:

- At the zoo:

Nesting. ;)

- In the car. We've been in the car a lot. Poor Baby.
- Coloring the windows! These window markers are brilliant! You should go get some...whether you have kids or not!

Not sure if you can see it or not, but that is a drawing of me. Can you see my shoulders? :)

I just liked this picture.

- We signed a lease on an apartment in The Woodlands/Magnolia area. Yup...we're moving into an apartment. I know...if you need to breathe into a paper bag, don't feel bad. I do too, sometimes.

- Baby Showering:

Sweet Jess. Beautiful mom-to-be.

Jess and Hostesses. I stinkin' love these women SO much! I'm considering buying a big bin and packing them away to take with me to Magnolia. Don't worry...I'll put some snacks in there.

- Finished The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. Oh my word! Excellent! I don't know how I made it so long without reading his work. If you haven't read it...you must!

There...blog brain is clear. That feels better.

Coming Soon:
- My baby brother's college graduation
- My 30th birthday (again with the paper bag)
- A few more baby showers
- A trip to Denver for our Acts29 assessment. Woo Hoo!
- June 15th...The Move.

(Better keep that paper bag handy. ;)

A Love Note

To my family at Christ Church Brenham,

First of all, let me start by saying, thank you for last week, for blessing us, for sending us, for commissioning us onward and outward to continue the work of Christ. Thank you for your prayers of protection and prayers for wisdom and prayers for faithfulness. It was such a bitter sweet day for me...as I am excited for the work ahead of us, but having such tender affections for you, I am sad to think of a Sunday without you. But, I can't think about that just yet. Thankfully, there are still services to be shared!

I also want to say that the past three years have been some of the most precious of my life. Our first days here, when things were still in boxes and I was still a little light-headed from all the fresh air, I remember doubting the prudence of our decision. I remember thinking how strange it was to spend so much time around the dinner table with the same people night after night. But soon, very soon, after a few long evenings spent together, outside and over dinner, strangers became friends, and not long after that, friends became family. What lessons I learned in those first months! I learned that "doing life" with people takes time and it takes home-cooked meals (with dessert!) and it takes clearing your schedule a bit to make room for guests and it takes a willingness to let your house get a little messy. It does take a lot, I suppose, but it gives so much more than it takes. I learned that because of you.

I also remember learning that when people are unified and on mission together, attack will come, both personally and corporately. And it did, didn't it?! But, I remember praising God (and I still praise Him for this) that we endured together. We carried each others burdens. We encouraged one another. We grew stronger in faith and in friendship and were all the more resolved to carry on with Kingdom work. I am thankful that I learned that with you.

And just so you know...
I learned how have people in my house all the time.
I learned how to cook...sort of. ;)
I learned how to play poker...sort of. ;)
I learned that sometimes the most important conversations happen at 2am on my couch.
I learned how to have a picnic.
I learned that having cable and DVR is useful for making friends.
I learned that I love having little sisters. And that I love going to coffee with them each week.
I learned that gardening hoes are useful for killing snakes.
I learned that the best is not always the best. Sometimes simplicity is best.
I learned so many wonderful things...because of you and the Jesus in you.

To my family at Christ Church...I love you. I thank you for loving my family so well. I thank our Father that I am different than when I got here. And I thank Him for the privilege of serving alongside you.

All my love,
Steph

Easter Snapshots

Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter!
Here's a few pictures from our weekend...

The Easter tree. (So, I'm a one-trick pony...what are ya gonna do? ;) I had Braelyn decorate 8 eggs and then I painted an image from the Passion story on 8 eggs and wrote a related Scripture on the back. We talked about one egg each night from Palm Sunday through Easter Sunday.

Dying Easter eggs.

Casey is very proud of his rubber-band technique.

Easter Sunday:

The table...with China. ;) (And the most delicious lemonade-tea. I'll post the recipe.)

Egg Hunt

Me and my little brother. He's so handsome! (Missed you Kelley!)

An attempt at a family picture...I think B was getting tired by this point.

I'm not gonna lie...I had to work pretty much all day on Saturday to get get things ready...but it was worth it. And since I was wanting to make much of Jesus and not much of myself (you know how that ugliness can sneak in when we are planning parties, ladies?) it was all joy and no stress. I am so thankful for that beautiful day, our wonderful family and most of all...that He is risen!

(Oh, and thanks, honey! Couldn't have done it without you! Literally! Love you!)

The Fall and Rise of My "To-Do"

It's 8:00 on Friday night...Good Friday night actually. Casey is out speaking and Braelyn is in bed. What's a girl to do with a quiet Good Friday evening all to herself? Here's my plan...to drop a little love on the blog, read my Bible (suppose I should have done that first...sinner!), and then GET TO WORK...and there's LOTS to do!

Before I get into the "To-Do," allow me review the last couple of days...

Yesterday...Braelyn's school Easter party...


Today...Round Top. My one and only trip this season. And guess what I bought?...Nothin'! Can you believe it?! I know...I can't either. Anyways, great time with my girls. (That's Beth {garage apartment buddy}, Brandi with H.W., and Jess in the pic. Sarah was also there but was changing Betsy's diaper during the photo opp.)Okay, so about "getting to work"...
Yesterday morning, we had zero Easter plans. By yesterday afternoon, both Casey's family and my family decided to join us for church and Easter lunch at our house. I was delighted to hear this news, but I would be lying if I said the teensiest bit of anxiety didn't begin to creep up, seeing as I had not been preparing whatsoever for this happy occasion.

Well, considering all that has been going on...planning class Easter parties, supporting friends in their antique purchasing endeavors (which is no trifling matter, by the way) and so many other very important things that we just can't get into right now...with all that...I very practically planned to keep things simple...a No-Frills Easter as it were. Right?...Less is more. No need to work up a sweat just 'cause it's Easter. After all, as soon as the festivities are over, we have to clean up and pack up to go to the Magnolia. With so much to do, we just cannot go losing our heads over China and floral arrangements and four-course meals.

Perfect! Bring on the paper plates!

Well, after coming to these sensible conclusions and finding my "to-do" list quite shrunken and manageable, I awarded myself a few luxurious moments to browse my favorite blogs. I noticed I was several posts behind on Femina, so I thought I'd see what the lovely Mrs. Nancy Wilson had to say. Uh...MISTAKE! I mean...it's not a mistake if you want to be encouraged to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior with joy and with gusto and with China and floral arrangements and 4 course meals. But if you were planning on paper plates...it is a colossal mistake.

UGH!

What was I thinking?

What in the world is worth celebrating if not the Risen King? If I don't bust out the China for the fact that I was once a wretched enemy of God, but now, because of the perfect work of Christ am invited to sit at God's table as His very child, FOREVER!...what in the world DO I bust it out for?!

"It is FINISHED!"...Bring out the silver!
"The curtain is torn!...Bring out the wine!
The tomb is EMPTY!!!!!...Let us feast and take pictures and decorate and hunt for eggs and enjoy this blessed day!

Paper plates. I should be ashamed of myself.
Well, as a matter of fact I AM quite ashamed of myself. And it's not that I should go all out or I have to go all out...but I want to go all out! I get to go all out!...for a great and mighty victory was won that day. And I know the Champion! I know Him! Yes, if there was ever a reason to celebrate and go all out...this is it. And next year, and the next year, and the year after that.

So...I have some serious work to do, not to mention said Bible reading. I'd better get to it.

Mrs. Wilson...thanks for setting me straight, yet again.

* If you happen to be using paper plates...there is no judgment. I am not condemning paper plates in themselves, I was just using paper plates as a metaphor for my lazy, selfish attitude. :)

One Sweet Day

Today we spent most of the morning and afternoon in the sunshine, with wonderful friends, pickin' some delicious strawberries at King's Orchard. I can't think of a better way to spend a lovely spring day...so so fun, and just down-right good for the soul.

Ahhh...sweet stuff!

Soldiering On

It's not for lack of wanting or material that I have been so long away from my blog. To be honest, there's just been too much on my heart and too little time to sort it all out. There have been 50 posts begging to be written between the last time I posted and now, but wanting to have wisdom and discernment in what I display to this great, wide world, I have refrained.

With all that is going on in our life, Casey and I (mostly I) are finding that we cannot do it with the grace and peace that God would require of us by our own ability. Our strength and intellect and emotions (mostly my emotions) are no match for a time such as this. So, we have resorted to listening and obeying the ways of God laid out for us in the Word of God. Imagine that!

Here is a brief run-down of our present situation:
- We are starting a church. Christ Community Church in The Woodlands/Magnolia area.
- We are living in two places at once. (Brenham & Magnolia)
- We are trying to sell our house. We've had a good number of showings, but no bites yet.
- I enrolled Braelyn at The Children of the Woodlands preschool for the next school year.
- Casey will be commissioned by Christ Church in Brenham on April 11th.
- Christ Community will begin having Sunday night worship services on April 11th.
- My brother is engaged and will be married almost 10 years to the day after Casey and me.
- We decided to begin taking Clomid with the hope that we would become pregnant.
- I have gone through 2 rounds of Clomid with no success.
- Clomid makes me a crazy, crazy woman.
- I am taking this month (and perhaps a few more) off from Clomid so that I will not be in the hospital with a newborn baby while my only brother is getting married.

Now that you have a bit of context, I will tell you that many a tear have fallen in these last few weeks. It's been hard to know what's what. Am I crying because we are in the middle of a huge life change? Am I crying because I don't feel at home anywhere right now? Am I crying because I desperately want to have a baby? Am I crying because the Clomid makes me incapable of handling any sort of negative situation with any amount of grace or dignity? Um...yes, yes, yes and yes. (As a side note...I will say, that since I have been off Clomid...I can report a SIGNIFICANT decline in the number of meltdowns. That's very reassuring. I mean...maybe it's more the medicine and not just me having the emotional stability of a thirteen year old girl. Let's hope.) Anyways...Clomid or not...we have too much on our plate, too much at stake to just fumble our way through these next few months.

I began to pray that God would show us how to honor Him in this season and He provided some answers. He reminded me of His great faithfulness and that He has provided trustworthy instruction in His Word. He reminded me that His ways are not just good topics for Bible study discussion, but are there for our benefit and are worthy of obedience. Everywhere I turned He poured out this truth, through His Word and through His people.

His gentle correction led me to this: to manage my home through more discipline, more prayer and more planning. AND...to anchor these habits by practicing the Sabbath.

With renewed hope and determination, I went to work at laying out my week on paper...Magnolia in green, Brenham in white. I factored in a laundry day, a day of deep cleaning so the house is ready to show, I planned meals and noted where I would cook them, I marked down weekly Bible studies, and meetings and story time and date night and even planned a time for planning. I fit all that in six days, and then left one day completely open for rest and time with my family.

Looking at my week all outlined and organized, the task ahead seemed less daunting. And it was! I found a bit of a rhythm. I knew what I needed to do and when to do it. I knew what to expect and left margins for the unexpected. It was a pleasant week and a significant victory for my weary soul. Then, we took our Sabbath day. We slept. We read. We spent time alone. We spent time together. It was a great blessing to our family. And I welcomed the week ahead.

:::::::Sigh::::::

Why am I surprised when God's ways bless me? Why do I forget that there is joy in obedience? Why do I wait until I'm at the end of myself before "resorting" to obedience?
And here's another question that's been haunting me: Have I convinced myself that thinking well of God's ways and talking about them with great affection is the same as obeying God's ways? I worry that I have.
Certainly, there is never a shortage of things to confess and pray about.

:::::::Sigh:::::::

We are traveling in unfamiliar territory. But it feels as if, through discipline and routine, I have gained a walking stick...just a little support in this unknown. And it feels as if, through practicing the Sabbath, I've acquired a cup of cold water...just a little refreshment. It will still be hard. It IS still hard. Even today, I had to declare war on some untimely and belligerent tears. Yes, it is still a long road ahead. I'm afraid I have many more tears yet to cry. But, we are not without a Wise and Wonderful Counselor. We are not without instruction. We are not without a walking stick and a cup of cold water. We soldier on...because there is more of Him up ahead.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
which must be curbed with a bit and bridle or it will not stay near you.
Psalm 32:8-9

But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14

(Sorry that this is so long, and sorry that it hardly makes any sense. I've just been keeping this all in for a while now. I should be able to rein it in a little better from now on. :)