Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Honesty is a Rigid Policy

A few days before Valentine's Day, Casey and I locked our eyes on yet another positive pregnancy test. With the last miscarriage still so close to our minds and hearts, we celebrated with guarded optimism, and decided not to share our happy news until we had seen the doctor and heard a healthy heartbeat. That appointment was scheduled for today, but unfortunately over the weekend I had another miscarriage. Somewhere in the five minutes that I was pregnant, excitement barged in before its cue, and I found myself a little more heartbroken than I was going to allow myself to get. So much for "guarded optimism."

I've been dying to blog about anything but this, not that I was keeping it a secret or anything, I just didn't want to. But as I attempted to write about other things, it just felt dishonest and if I want my blog to be anything I want it to be honest and authentic. So, while honesty is my policy, I'll tell you that I am doing okay. I am still a little sad sometimes. I've been really tired and quite irritable, but each day is better and better.

Thanks for reading and letting me share. Hopefully, tomorrow I'll find my mind a little clearer and I'll be able to write about, well, anything.

8 comments:

annette said...

Stephanie,

You take the time you need to rest and heal.

Your joy will be restored.

xxoo AFH

carahinojosa said...

...praying...

Erin said...

Love you.

Catherine Haskew said...

love you too...can't wait to see you Friday.

Abbie said...

Oh Steph...I'm calling out to God FOR you in case it's extra hard for you to do yourself right now. I love your heart and am so glad you shared.
I'll be praying my bloggy friend.

Ashley M said...

Steph-
I'm praying for you and I'm sorry.

love you
ash

Anonymous said...

I'm so, so sorry Steph.

Love,
C~

monique said...

Oh, Steph, my heart just breaks for you. I can't even put it into words. Just know that I will be praying for you.
We love you dearly!